2008: My Big Fat Ego

A lot of my colleagues are writing 2008-year-in-review pieces which are pretty entertaining. I thought I'd jump on the band wagon by reviewing some of my favorite write ups over the last year.
It's all I got people. Me and the laptop. By the way, although I've never named my penis, and hopefully never will, I have named my laptop("Pepper Potts"), my cellphone("Yorick"), and my ipod shuffle ("Metatron"). So I got that going.

I wrote 33 articles and had 3 columns (2 "Talk Derby" and 1 "Boozehound") published in 2008 in addition to this blog and the Riverwest 24 blog. Not bad for an old man, but not enough to pay the rent.
Here's some of my favorite interesting, compelling, or just zany excerpts from some of my favorite pieces.
JANUARY
"Malcolm Michiles looks out his apartment window. It has begun to snow, and he studies it, sipping a mug of tea. It is two days before the Packers will beat the Raiders for the NFC North division title.
“I’m not sure about this snow. I haven’t had to deal with this. I’m mostly concerned about the equipment.” Michiles is talking about his unusual and challenging DJ gig, a gig he also calls “The best gig of my life. It’s like playing on a mountain.” Every home game at Lambeau field, Michiles sets up his DJ equipment at the Green Bay Packer’s sideline and spins for the players warming up, the idea being that the music will help psych the Pack up. Over the next couple of games, Michiles will struggle to stay warm, keep snow off his records and needles, and heat his equipment with deer hunter’s hand warmers."
- from “Malcolm Michiles, Official Packers DJ” Shepherd Express Jan.10-16
http://www.expressmilwaukee.com/article-462-malcolm-michiles.html

FEBRUARY

"Politicians are known for trying to use flowery language, but how poetic are their souls? Woodland Pattern offered the 3rd District candidates a chance to wax poetic the night of February 15, and all showed up for the challenge except John Connelly..."

"Fouliard himself was up next, and picked up an acoustic guitar. “Let me introduce you to my friend, A” he said “It stands for aequitas, which is Latin for justice.” He then sang a rendition of Where the Streets Have No Name by U2. U2 is certainly must be on the top of Fouliard’s playlist. He once tried to get a million people to sign a petition to have the group play a charity gig at Miller Park, although he was unable to convince the Irish rockers to sign on."
-from “Roses Are Red…” milwaukeeeworld.com Feb.16
http://www.milwaukeeworld.com/blog/2008/02/080216.html
A previous piece I wrote on the aldermanic candidates encouraged an entertaining response from candidate Dan Fouliard: http://www.milwaukeeworld.com/blog/2008/01/on-campaign-trail.html#comments

MARCH

"Jee plays an infectious, energetic, pop-punky Orange county-y sound, a ray of South Cali supersonic sunlight that blinds the frozen no-fun-niks of the local scene. Leah Jee and The Boys (her back up band: Jim Sinicki, bass, Lior Dar, drums, Bryan Burch, guitar) have played it all, from the sweat-soaked, beer-swilling masses at Summerfest to intimate serenades on a stormy night at the Riverwest Commons."
-from “Leah Jee Rocks BBC” vitalsourcemag.com please note my word "Orange county-y"

APRIL
I'm going to refer to this article as a whole.
“Under The Radar Dining: Milwaukee’s Secret Café Society” ran in the Shepherd Express April 9- 15 issue. It was a lot of fun to write, and part of the fun was all the secrecy.
http://www.expressmilwaukee.com/article-1602-under-the-radar-dining.html

MAY
I'm also referring to this one as a whole.

“End of the Echo Base: Police Shut Down Bike Co-op/ Performance Space” ran in the Shepherd Express May 29-June 4 issue. It started with me hearing the story in a bar, then following through, interviewing a lot of people, looking at police reports, etc. It's sad that it had to be an "obituary" piece, and I genuinely was dismayed the space had to shut down.
http://www.expressmilwaukee.com/article-2277-the-untimely-end-of-the-echo-base-collective.html

JUNE
"And what about Hitler? How did der Fuhrer get his snicklefritz on?"
-from “Neo Nazis, Riot Gear, and the Pink Bloc” altdash.com June 10
http://altdash.com/ShowArticle.aspx?ID=74

JULY
"In May, two of the carnival’s performers, Pinky and Erik Bang, had a rummage sale. It wasn’t your typical knickknacks, toasters and old dishes. The spread included juggling pins, swords for swallowing, eccentric suits, a bucket of raccoon bones and stilts. I bought a mummified bat – I’m still not quite sure what I’m going to do with it, but it seemed like a steal at fifteen bucks."
“Dead Man’s Carnival” Vital Source Magazine
http://www.vitalsourcemag.com/index.php/magazine/article/dead-mans-carnival/
Also,the M2MTT story turned out well. It's going to reprinted in Cafe Racer magazine later this month.
http://www.expressmilwaukee.com/article-2736-midwest-speed-racers.html

AUGUST
"The fifth annual Midwest Gypsy Swing Fest, held on Friday and Saturday at a farm in Fitchburg, felt more like a family picnic of talented jazz musicians than a festival. They played at Art in the Barn, with plastic chairs and bales of hay set up for seating. There were no aggressive sponsors, and the bathroom was located through the horse stall, next to a horse named Ringo."
-from “Jazz and jam reunite at the Midwest Gypsy Swing Fest in Fitchburg” TheDailyPage.com(Madison Isthmus’ website) Aug.24
http://www.thedailypage.com/daily/article.php?article=23584

SEPTEMBER
"And talk about sexy! At one New Year’s Eve gig at the Hi Hat, scores of dancing women crowded the makeshift stage, and when too many foxes surrounded the band doing the foxtrot, the hen house fell apart and the stage dumped the band and the dames on the floor!"
-from “Hail Cesar Palace” altdash. com Sept.1
Probably the most ridiculous sentence I wrote all year.
http://altdash.com/ShowArticle.aspx?ID=96

"The Uptowner, a 58-year-old corner bar in Riverwest, seems an unlikely venue for an impromptu noise show on a Saturday night. Peter J. Woods sets up his gear, synthesizers, effect pedals and an electric violin on a card table while a small group of people gather in front of him and a couple of guys shoot pool directly behind him.

Then the noise starts.

A violent wall of screeching distortion fills the room. There is no rhythm, no melody and no noticeable structure. Woods begins to scream into a microphone, heavily distorted. Two of the bar patrons start to get angry.

"Turn this shit off, now!" one of the patrons yells from the end of the bar, his face turning red. "This is the worst shit I've ever heard in my life! Stop it!"

Woods plays a short set and then packs up. As he walks by me with an armful of gear, he says, "This is what I was talking about earlier."
-from “The Art of Noise” Shepherd Express Sept.25-Oct.1
http://www.expressmilwaukee.com/article-3814-the-art-of-noise.html

OCTOBER
“Stacey” was concerned about us visiting. She was afraid we would be abducted or worse: executed, by aliens. She wanted to know our next of kin in case we met death in Appleton, warning us that they were watching her house, armed with ray guns that had three settings: stun, kill, and vaporize. She was protected from the aliens by God. If our faith was not strong, she said, Groschopf and I would surely be vaporized by the aliens. We would not even make it down the street to Beansnappers before we died..."

"On our way to the meeting, I told Groschopf we couldn’t sit next to each other because I might burst out into fits of laughter. To make matters worse, I am recovering from a painful boil on my ass and Doc Feelgood at the free clinic has given me some high octane pain pill poppers that have made me drowsy and ultra mellow yellow."
-from “Abducted and Alienated” appeared as a two part story in Alt- magazine and its website, altdash. com
http://altdash.com/ShowArticle.aspx?ID=121

NOVEMBER
I'll refer to this as a whole as well, since it's a Q and A:
“Barber Extrodanaire: Off the cuff with Jose Ortiz” Shepherd Express Nov.25
http://www.expressmilwaukee.com/article-4631-barber-extraordinaire.html

DECEMBER
"His studio, near Marquette University, is exactly what you might expect: littered with all things pirate. There's a treasure trove of books, maps, bottles of rum, swords and a skull wearing a pirate hat. Above his computer, where he broadcasts his show, is his own pirate flag. It features a cartoon monkey wearing a tri-corner hat with a pair of crossing cutlasses beneath it."
-from “The Other Kind of Pirate Radio” Shepherd Express Dec.24
http://www.expressmilwaukee.com/article-4953-the-other-kind-of-pirate-radio.html